Wordless Wednesday - Swingset

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Cranky Pregnant Woman on Board!

Everything irritates me lately! Everything!!!! I hate my hands touching hot water, I hate wind in my hair, I hate the sound of fighting toddlers, and I hate not being able to drink a hot cup of coffee every morning when I wake up.

I also hate the feeling of being hungry all the time then feeling sick for eating, and the fear of gaining 80 pounds like I did with my first pregnancy. I don't want to be fat! I don't want to be this chubby, pudgy, fat, pregnant woman. I just want to be pregnant. I've seen some adorably cute pregnant women.

 see that poofy belly? i'm starting to show!

Things I do love while being pregnant are the crazy, wild sex dreams I have. Yeah, I've been with a few rock stars in my sleep! It's great. Until I wake up. I also love feeling the baby move. That is magical!

So, I'm curious what other women like about being pregnant, or what they don't like. Any crazy dreams? I've been with the lead singer to Seether, Marilyn Manson, and "almost" Johnny Depp, just to name a few. I got woke up from that one!

So, please tell me your crazy pregnancy stories!

Bewilder

to touch your face, to feel your kiss,
be lost inside your mind
to hold your hand, to have your heart,
have somewhere to unwind
to feel your heat, and feed your passion,
lick your fingertips
confuse your thoughts, bewilder your love
with my tongue against your lips
to never know this loss of love,
to never feel your pain
or have your every emotion
would somehow be my gain
to have your head inside my lap,
your hair upon my skin
to feel you fall in love with me
reminding me of this sin
to feel the softness of your tongue,
the warmth inside your mouth
the slowness of your motions
as you spin my head around
to never know the reasons
why i am drawn to you
and never understand the way
you make it feel so true

Thunderstorm

There is a constant threat, a thunderstorm of tears lingers at the back of my throat.

My eyes: dry and yet burning from the sting of overuse.

My mind: completely and irreparably shut down.

I swore when I came into this, it would be forever. He was my forever. Now? He is a memory, a ghost in my mind. I pass by him, he reaches out to me, I look at him, and manage to look right through him.

I don’t see him at all. And I don’t feel him.

My world revolved around him at one point, but I can’t remember why. I can’t remember what the past felt like. I can’t remember what this love felt like. Wasn’t it great? Isn’t that why I’ve stayed so long? I don’t remember.

I’m so far gone; far beyond the point of no return.

How did I get here? Took a few wrong turns, fell down the stairs, and into the snake pit. I think I see some light, but it looks like a long, hard road out of here.

Where am I going? I hope someone knows.

My heart hurts, aches, bleeds, and breaks, and yet is dulled and incredibly numb. How can that be?

I’m cold. I’m distant. I’m so far lost. Lost to him. Lost to me. Lost to anyone who may have understood.

Dear Stalker...

So apparently I have a stalker.

Hmmmm.... Sounds exciting right? Riiiiight!!!! Well it's pissing me off to the point my blood is actually boiling today.

I posted something I had written about my flailing marriage. I love to write. I love to write creatively. So I take my twisted, bent up emotions and try to make something beautiful out of them. It's always been a dream of mine to be a writer.

Well some "anonymous" commentor told me I was selfish and needed counseling.

Wow! Really??!?? Thank you. I appreciate the true sentiment. I really am quite blessed to have such amazing people in my life who care so deeply. It's too bad you're too big of a fucking coward to tell me straight to my face!

I am fully aware that I have issues. And had my darling husband not spent more than $200 on liquor at a lousy Bachelor party full of lap dances, prostitutes, and drunk idiots, I may have been able to afford to start therapy this month!

I know I need it. I'm the first person to admit it. Most days I want to run my husband through with the dullest blade in the house. Thankfully I'm not actually that crazy yet, and have self-control.

People who don't know what's going on in my life, need to back the fuck off. I don't tolerate crap like this from people I DO know. If you have something to say to me, don't hide your identity. Be human and just say it directly to me or stay the fuck off my blog!

Poetry of the Past

I'm at a total loss lately of what to post. My mind is in some other world, some distant land where all womens brains who are pregnant go. I can't seem to concentrate on a single thing! And I am so incredibly forgetful!!! So I thought instead of creating a whole new post of something I just cannot think of, I would share some more of my poetry. I do love to write.
My Dad past away 3 months after my wedding, 6 years ago. So thankful we didn't postpone it til the summer like we were going to. I was devastated. He wasn't in my life for about 15 years of growing up. He offered to pay for my college so I moved to Florida to be with him. I had 6 years with him before he died. It was great. Of course I look back now thinking I could have spent so much more time with him. And I still miss him like crazy.
Anyways, I wrote this poem shortly after he passed.

Depression, Part 1
Yesterday it woke me, 
tapping on my door.
Writhing through the sunlight 
that aroused my bedroom floor.
It beckoned at my sorrow 
and every ounce of shame,
Whispering through silence, 
somehow it knew my name.
The voice was bleak and dreary, 
unusually safe,
Echoing with comfort 
that I knew I shouldn’t crave.
Indolent, withered fingers 
extended towards the lock,
Securing tight the passageway 
where they’d so gently knocked.
Burden overwhelmed me, 
persuading me to stay,
Underneath the covers 
where my body wearily lay.
The whisper—this time softer—
protruded to my veins,
Propelling grief throughout my whole 
weakened body frame.
It spoke of all my heartaches, 
how useless I’ve become,
Commemorating reasons why 
I’ve chosen to be numb.
Sleep was all I yearned for, 
to be inside a dream,
Where absolute reality 
would never intervene.
Heavy were my eyes, 
as my head began to spin.
Sending me back into sleep. 
Today depression wins.

Bachelor Parties are a joke!!

Men suck. And are funny at the same time. We're in Vegas for two days for a couple doc appointments and shopping. Coincidentally my hubby knew some guys from work who were going to be in town for a Bachelor Party.

A Bachelor Party is the most disgusting show of men gawking and probably fondling women with such low self-esteem all they can do with their lives is take their clothes off and do "special" favors for money.

I'm not real happy about the whole event, ever. Regardless of who is there and who it's for. I think it's sick. He came strolling in just after 6am this morning.
I also disagree with the Bachelorette ones with the male dancers. You're getting married, your not dying. You're gonna see other men and women in your life. So to use this one night as an excuse and make it seem OK to be drooling and getting immorally excited over someone who's paid to entertain is just simply wrong.

Hubby and I had a conversation on our way down here yesterday about this topic.

Naturally he thinks it's OK, he sees nothing wrong with it. I think it's wrong, I see nothing right with it.

Hubby says, "It's the last time for a man to get away with doing something like that because it's the last night he'll be single!"

Um... what?? You're engaged!! YOU'RE NOT SINGLE NOW!!!!

Hubby: "Well my bachelor party the women weren't that hot. There weren't any I wanted dances from."

Wow, that made me feel so much better. Until I remembered the convo we had on the plane ride AFTER his bachelor party. He got home an hour before we were to leave for the airport. Nice. 4 days before our wedding.

First of all, he got SEVERAL special dances thanks to his equally morally effed up friends who frequent the strip clubs.

On the plane, "I can't believe the things that girl did to me last night, I didn't know they could do that stuff!!"

Are you freaking kidding me??? And he wondered why I had my doubts about marrying him!

He still wonders why I don't respect the whole getting married and being married thing. Every chance he gets he's gawking over naked women. WTFever! Men don't take it seriously.

I told him clearly we have different morals. He said it has nothing to do with morals. WHAT?? Really???

I said it has EVERYTHING to do with morals!! I've never EVER gawked over another man, naked or dressed, the way HE has women. I've NEVER wanted to go see naked men dancing for entertainment!!! I've never slipped a guy a $20 and went behind some curtain to get him to grind his naked body all over mine. You know why? Because I have a man. If I need any kind of fix, why would I go anywhere else?

Am I just crazy?

Worse than DEATH!!!

So, I’ve been feeling seriously like I am DYING!!! All caps there, really DYING!!!! So my hubby finally tells me to just GO to the Doctor already! OK, fine! So I did! Turns out, I’m not dying, it’s actually much worse than that! I’m PREGNANT!!! 

I HATE being pregnant. First of all I gain weight way too easily!! Second, I don’t actually have the most supportive “support-system” here at home. I have a “healed” crushed vertebrae and my first child delivery attempt broke my pelvis! Plus I was in the middle of physical therapy to fix my headaches!! So, here we go! I have 2 busy-as-hell toddlers to look after, I’ve just lost complete control of my body, I can no longer do the things I like. Blah…blah…blah!

Yes, I am complaining about it! Don’t get me wrong, I really want a big family, I just don’t want to be the one who has to make them! And I have actually MET those women who say how awesome being pregnant was and how much they just LOVED it. I think they were still delusional from drugs they were given during labor!

My hubby says, “Don’t worry, it’ll be fine!” He’s lucky to have walked out of here with his head still attached!

But even better, is my neurotic BFF. Here is her very supportive response to the news! After she stopped laughing, told me she loves being RIGHT, announced to everyone in her BB group, and after she tweeted it AND posted it on HER FB page!!! I believe she is more excited than I am, only cause I feel like I am dying!!!

stephy800 Soooooo still pregnant?

Cause I'm still smiling.

Helllllloooooooooooo?

Are you not talking to me now? LOL

I told Bobby "Guess who's pregnant!"

He said "you better pack and hit the road!" LOL

Good thing its not me who's preggers.

vallorianne

ROFL

stephy800

Ya know... I was thinking.

About Todds sperm.

I don't think its SUPER sperm.

It took 2 yrs to knock you up.

Just sayin.

vallorianne

lol

stephy800

My mom laughed at you too btw.

Anyone else know yet?

vallorianne

my mom, sister, and now linda

and scott n becky

stephy800

Aw. Is your mom happy?

vallorianne

candace too, she called me laughing

yeah, mom wants to name it

stephy800

What? I'm naming it!

Zoe. Or Poppy. Maybe Poppie.

vallorianne

how about Zoppie?

stephy800

I'm really leaning towards Mason for a boy.

vallorianne

LMAO

are you?

stephy800

Yup.

vallorianne

fat chance. it's gonna be an original name

stephy800

Eh.

What? Like .... Melda? Or freddadoodle?

vallorianne

i like the F one

clever

stephy800

I'm calling it Poppie.

vallorianne

ROFL

stephy800 (insert angry face smiley sticking out his tongue)

I always liked Liv.

Or Olivia.

But also not original.

vallorianne

i always liked Claudia

stephy800

Cute. But not original!

Poppie is JUST as original as Claudia.

vallorianne

lol

Poppie LaRue

kinda cute

and Yes, the camera is better than the phone I wanted

stephy800

Poppie! So cute.

Good thing you got that camera!

You'll be taking lots of baby pictures!!

vallorianne

yep

stephy800

Are you excited yet?

Hey! Are you getting entries on your duck fest giveaway?

vallorianne

i've gotten 3 entries

and i am excited about the baby

stephy800

I need to tweet you.

vallorianne

why?

stephy800

Because.

We're all on Twitter trying to create "buzz".

vallorianne

oh

stephy800

And I have like 750 followers on Twitter.

vallorianne

i want sleep, you have any of that?

i freaking hate this always feeling hungry shit. yesterday i felt like i was gonna starve

stephy800

LOL

Bummer.

Eat.

Just eat healthy.

vallorianne

i did

stephy800

Your eating for 2 now.

vallorianne

i want tuna and crackers

yeah but the other ONE is not even as big as  PEA

stephy800

Or 3 or 4...

vallorianne

LMAO

vallorianne

i don't have twins genes

stephy800

Dude. ITS TWINS.

Better stock up on diapers.

vallorianne

that'd better be all you buy me then since YOU're jixing me

jinxing

stephy800

LOL

And wipes.

You're gonna need a buttload of wipes!

Hahahaa

I am totally still laughing.

vallorianne

i'm glad you're so happy

stephy800 (insert shit-eating-grin-smiley guy and a blowing a kiss smiley guy)

 I like the name Tammin.

Too bad its so close to that bitchy neighbors name.

vallorianne

that's the first thing i thought

Prior to this conversation we had one where she named all 4 babies as though I were having a litter! I just found out yesterday that I am even pregnant! She's such a nut!