Monday, March 21, 2011

Eye Doctor Drama Part 3

Well apparently, you need to have a license in Crazy to be a pediatric eye doctor or to even work for one. To get caught up on this drama, read this first.

I made a brief update a couple weeks ago about Draikaiden’s 2nd opinion for his Stage 1 ROP. ROP is Retinopathy of Prematurity and has several different stages. It means that his eyes were born prematurely. Hmm, imagine that, a preemie with premature eyes. At Stage 1 and Stage 2 there is NO TREATMENT! Stages 3-5 vary in the ways they can treat it. I will say it again before I go on with the story, Draikaiden has STAGE 1.

So, hopefully everyone is caught up, cause you’ll kinda need to be. The update I gave last week was brief, now I’m going to give you more detail plus include what has happened since.

We made it to the new eye Dr two weeks ago. Me and the kids were literally the first people there. I already had Draikaiden’s paperwork filled out since I picked it up the week before. We sat down and waited about 45 minutes before they took us back. Then we waited for another 15 minutes in the room. The nurse came back in and asked questions while filling in the answers on a computer. It took about 20 minutes. Then she put drops in his eyes for dilating. Then sent us back out into the waiting room. After about 30 more minutes another nurse came out and put more drops in his eyes. Then we waited some more. Finally it was our turn to go back, again. And wait, again.

This time the Dr. came in. Nice woman. Asked the same questions her nurse asked us an hour ago! I told her why we were there, that I didn’t trust the other eye Dr. and wanted a 2nd opinion. She told me she wasn’t sure if she wanted to start picking up ROP patients (even though it is stated ON her business cards that she treats ROP patients). She talked to me for about 15 minutes, I briefly told her why I didn’t trust the other eye Dr. Near the end of the conversation she tells me that she doesn’t have the instrument there to look at an ROP patient.

After 2-and-a-half hours of making us wait and putting chemicals in my son’s eyes, THEN she tells me she doesn’t have the right equipment!!!! W.T.F???

She said she didn’t know there was an ROP patient coming in today.

My jaw dropped. I very calmly said, “I made the appointment 3 weeks ago!! And when I called I specifically told the woman on the phone that I wanted a 2nd opinion on my son’s ROP!!!”

She said it wasn’t my fault, it was her office staff’s fault for not informing her. Then she offered to call that other eye Dr. and make an appointment for us.

I laughed and said, “I will drive all the way to California before I ever take my son back over to see him again.”

So then she asked if we could wait, EVEN LONGER, and NOW she’ll send someone across town to pick it up from her other office!

It was a few minutes before 10 am, we’d been sitting in that office for 2-and-a-half hours already, and Draikaiden was about to miss his physical therapy appointment thanks to this, because it was scheduled for 10 am. I told her we’d leave to go to another appointment that he had for that day, and I’d leave my cell number. If they got the instrument there, they could call me, otherwise I wasn’t coming back.

So we made it to his 3rd appointment for the day, he missed physical therapy, and then back to that horrid eye Dr.’s office. We began our wait, 30 minutes pass and a nurse comes out to put drops in his eyes, again. I asked how long it was going to take because we needed to be in Henderson for more Dr.’s appointments by 3 and it was 1:30 now. Another 10 minutes pass and they take us back into a room where we wait for 15 more. The Dr. comes in, preps the baby for the exam and the kids and I go wait in the other room. The exam takes about 15 minutes, then she explains things to me more thoroughly than the other eye Dr. ever did. She says she’ll see him back in 2 weeks. I tell her that is perfect because that is when we have his RSV shot scheduled for, so we would be in town. And I make it clear to her that the day we’re coming back IS a Tuesday. She said earlier she’d prefer to see him in the other office because it’s larger and better equipped but she’s only there Mondays and Thursdays. She said that Tuesday would be fine since we were coming into town, but appointments thereafter would need to be at the other office. OK, fine with me.

Three days later, after I had arranged all the other appointments for the day, I called her office to schedule. The receptionist said the Dr. was no longer seeing ROP patients.

“She JUST saw my son 3 days ago and said she’d see him again in two weeks!” I argued.

The woman told me she just received an email that morning from the office manager and the decision was final. I told her she needed to call the Dr. then because I was promised at least one more visit for my son and I wasn’t taking ‘No’ for an answer. She said she’d call me right back. When she called she said she could only schedule for the other office, which was only for Mon or Thurs. I was irritated but done arguing. I would schedule for the next time we went down after he got his RSV shot because that was more important for him and it was already a fiasco getting that shot approved.

So, the day came, we were in Vegas last Tuesday the 15th. It was about 2:30 pm and I am sitting in the truck with the kids while Derek and Todd ran into Walmart for a couple of things. We were in Henderson a couple miles from the kids’ pediatrician because that was our next stop, but not for another hour. The eye Dr.’s office calls me wondering why we don’t have an appointment scheduled for this week because the Dr. was expecting to see Draikaiden. So I explain to her why we didn’t have an appointment, and that I tried to get one. She asks me to hold and puts someone else on the phone. I have to go through the conversation again.

I tell her, “Look, I’m frustrated about it because we are IN Vegas RIGHT now!”
So she puts me on hold, again, and puts the Dr. on the phone. So for the 3rd time, I go through the conversation.

The Dr. is trying to make it seem like it’s MY fault that there is no appointment. She said that I should have told her receptionist to let me talk to her. I guess she’s right, but she should have educated her staff. I’m getting extremely frustrated with her and say, “I wanted him to be seen today and I tried to make the appointment, but YOUR office refused to make the appointment!”
She starts going off on the same spiel that the other receptionist from the other office did about how he NEEDS to be seen, except this time there was much more guilt! Since SHE took over his care, HE was HER responsibility and it was imperative for us to bring him in!
So I said, “I tried to get the appointment for today, it’s not MY fault you didn’t educate your staff!”

She asked if we could make it to the office that day. I told her we were in Henderson, about to go to the Pediatrician and if he could get us in early we MIGHT be able to make it there by 5. Then she pressured me like some insane car salesman to make an appointment for Friday, when I already knew there was NO way we could afford to come back on Friday. I had already told both of the Tag Team members I spoke to before her that we couldn’t make it back into Vegas for another 2 weeks. Then we hung up.

At 4:30 we’re still sitting at the Pediatrician’s office. I just LOVE this Dr.! So do the kids! He rocks! During our wait I had filled in hubby about the eye Dr. And being the loving wife I am, I made HIM call and let her office know we weren’t going to make it there by 5 and to cancel the Friday appointment. He’s put on hold 3 different times and has to talk to 3 different people just like I did. LOL! But he’s not so patient. This is when Derek and I start laughing our asses off and get an official warning from the Pediatrician’s Office to quiet down because the entire office could here everything my husband was saying.

I cannot quote the conversation because I don’t know verbatim what the Dr. said. And with each sentence Todd got louder, and louder, and louder. His face got red, his eyes turned red, smoke came out of his ears and nostrils, and he started breathing fire. He said multiple times that we CANNOT afford to come back until the 28th and would be glad to schedule an appointment for that day. He repeatedly said that his wife tried to get an appointment for today but her office wouldn’t schedule it. I think he asked her twice if she heard anything he was saying. I can’t remember some of what he said because I was laughing so hard (I took my anxiety pills shortly before this Dr. appointment). But then she crossed a line. She told my husband that he was being selfish and adamant about himself and he needed to think about his son, it wasn’t up to HIM when to take his son to see a DR. it was up to HER because SHE was the Dr. who was treating him and SHE knew Better! So he told her he didn’t care what degrees she had hanging on her wall or what any of her license’s said, she obviously didn’t have any common sense and could go F#%* herself! Then he hung up the phone.
My jaw dropped and Derek and I just stared at him. After he told us what she said I could understand why he said it.

Oddly enough, the following night around 7:30 pm, her office manager left a message on our machine saying they had an appointment available for the 28th for our son, and when we call the office we are to ask for her and speak only to her. She called the next day too.

We pondered about it. I really wasn’t sure I wanted to take him back. But I called anyways. I spoke to the Dr. She said she had a very heated discussion with my husband and usually after something like that she would turn away care for a child, but in this case, she felt she needed to see the baby again.

I asked why her and the other eye Dr. are DEMANDING we bring him in every 2 weeks and harassing us if we can’t make it. She said because it is a law of the State Medical Board. I told her we’d done our own research and know that he cannot be treated at Stage 1 or Stage 2, so what is wrong with her seeing him in 3 weeks? She doesn’t speak perfect English, so I’m not clear about everything she said, but it didn’t make any sense. She said his eyes improved between the last time the other Dr. saw him and the 1st time she saw him. I tried to tell her we weren’t trying to be jerks and neglect our son and that we are in Vegas as much as we can possibly afford. Plus we have 2 other kids who need taken care of also so sometimes appointment dates just don’t line up and sometimes we just don’t have the money because of one reason or another. I don’t think she understood because she just kept saying he needs to be seen every two weeks.

So I am extremely frustrated about the way the Pediatric Eye Dr.’s treat parents. We haven’t had these problems with ANY other Dr.’s at ALL!!! And I am very frustrated with the incompetence in HER office. Draikaiden’s vessels are branching out around his eyeballs and that is exactly what his pediatrician said they’d do. He also said that he is OUR baby and it is OUR choice who we want to take him to. My husband had a great point. What happens to those people, you know those ones who don’t believe in Doctors at all? It’s actually against their religion to take their children to see any doctors. So if they can chose to not see any doctors ever, why can’t we choose take him to the eye doctor when we can afford it?

Saturday, March 19, 2011

When the World Became Smaller

It’s funny how life, how just simply living, changes and shapes us. From one experience to the next we slowly become different people. Whether they are good experiences, bad ones, or neutral, they all change us in little ways.

When I was younger, I was afraid of everything. I had very little guidance, and even less moral guidance. When I was a teen I finally started learning about God. I tried to follow positive influences, but was still surrounded by the previous mentioned “guidance.” After I turned 18, everything became my decision. I wasn’t sure I wanted to, or even could, believe in God anymore, so I wandered off. There were mistakes, the bindings of new friendships, reunions with old ones, lesson after lesson. That seems to be a constant in life. No matter what you’re going through, there is some type of lesson to be learned. Some of us will actually learn the lesson and avoid the mistakes in the future; others will keep repeating the mistakes, never truly learning anything at all. But that is the beauty of life: you will always have another chance.

One thing I did learn for myself was that I needed to learn everything FOR myself. I needed the experiences. My husband and I were perfectly matched. We were both into rock music, vampires, death, cemeteries, and pretty much anything gothic. We had repressed feelings from our childhoods, wrote of sinister things, and decorated with black, dragons, gargoyles, and swords. And neither of us really believed in religion and were both doubtful of God.

Then a day came that changed my every aspect on life. Four words were all I heard on the other end of the line. Four little words stopped my world from turning.

Linda called us from across town around 4 am. She was crying and choked out, “Your Dad is dead.”

That one experience has changed me forever. It’s not exactly something you can learn from, but it is something you can grow from, strangely.

I dropped the phone, dropped to my knees as Todd tried to catch me and grab the phone. He asked Linda what was going on and she told him. He told her we’d be right over. Then he kneeled on the kitchen floor, holding me while I cried hysterically and repeated deliriously that it wasn’t real. I don’t know how long we sat there on the floor before I started to think about Linda being alone. So we collected ourselves, and headed out to Dad’s house.

The cops were already there. Todd parked the car and I jumped out, started running towards the house. Just as I got to the front porch I stopped, broke into hysterics again. There was no way I could go in that house. Todd went in to see Linda and let her know we were there. I stayed outside until the ambulance took Dad away. They say most people need to see the body in order to get closure but that was just a memory I didn’t want. I was happy with the last memory I had of Dad, and I was going to keep it that way.

The world seemed smaller after that day. March 19, 2005. Things I thought were so important just weren’t anymore. I’d never felt more empty in all my life.

It’s been six years. I’m no longer fascinated with death. If anything, I fear it. People have their theories on what happens after death, but all we actually know is that no one really comes back. They’re here one day, and then they’re gone. Just… gone. And I also believe in Heaven now. Because the thought of an absolute end, where I’ll never see Dad again, well, those thoughts just don’t fit in my head.

I don’t think death is evil. It’s natural. Death is just unforgiving. There is no second chance. There is no rewind button. There is no point you can just start over and try again. There is no lesson learned. There is no chance of changing all the things you wish you could have changed about the time you had with the person who died. You can’t go back and spend more time with them, tell them how wonderful they are, and how blessed you’ve been to have them in your life. You can’t tell them that you wouldn’t trade them for any other father in the world.

There were a few people who were pretty upset that I was the one who lived near Dad, that I chose to move 3000 miles away from everything and everyone else I’d ever known. I was told who he was by everyone in my life my whole life. It was my decision to find out for myself, to live near him, and get to know him. That was the part of me that needed to learn things for myself. I learned firsthand what a wonderful man he was. Six years was our time, and even though our time was short, I wouldn’t change it for anything you could offer.

Six years may seem like a long time to most people for someone to be grieving, but for pain that deep time has no meaning. It’s a hurt that doesn’t end with a void nothing else can fill. I still cry every time I look through our wedding album. The wedding was 3 months before Dad passed. I had to leave the room the one time my mother-in-law put in our wedding video. It’s hard looking at any of his photos. I can’t listen to my Dad singing his classic songs. I become a total nutcase the week of his death every year, and on his birthday. When I try to explain to my kids where Grandpa is, I break down every time. And thankfully, Todd will let me cry, and just tell me how much Dad loved me. He’s never once made me feel bad for just missing my Dad. I am fortunate to have him.

I don’t fear my Dad’s memory. I can’t think of a single bad one about him. And it’s not that I don’t want to remember him, because I do. I just don’t want to remember that he’s gone.

 We had a slight malfunction with my wedding dress, so everyone who 
was there did what they could think of to get it fixed!

 We danced to Rope the Moon, by John Michael Montgomery. 
It was the song I dedicated to him at the wedding.

“My father didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.”

~Clarence B. Kelland

Monday, March 14, 2011

The Strongest Person I Know

He started out so small, much smaller than most of us did. One pound six ounces. His birth is a long story itself, you can find it here if you’re new to me. He was intubated and incubated, had pick lines, IVs, oxygen tubes, blind folds to protect his eyes from the jaundice lamp (I forget now what they call that). Many blood transfusions, supplement drips, and then they started feedings at an incredibly slow rate. He was so frail, so skinny, and still stronger than most people even at that stage. He fought for his little life with every ounce of strength he had, which was approximately 26 ounces. 

I was neither brave nor strong. Every time I’d walk up to his incubator I’d instantly start crying. I’d try to read him happy, cheerful books and break out in tears. When it was time to go, I’d cry some more. How and where he got his strength is still beyond my comprehension. I did pray for it though. I wasn’t allowed to hold him much or touch him often. But I talked to him and sang to him as much as I could.

The three months went by surprisingly fast. Before I knew it we were bringing him home. That was a most pleasant day, you can read about it here. I was nervous, for many reasons. What if he stops breathing? What if they missed something in all the tests they’d done? Too many what-ifs really! I tried not to drive myself crazy with them, I was just happy to be walking out of the hospital with the rest of me.

He has been home for 2 months now and things are most definitely different with a preemie.

When I brought Kaida home, she was 10 pounds 13 ounces! And she was my first. She was chunky and not really fragile at all. Draven was 8 pounds 1 ounce. I thought HE was fragile! They were both on time and normal with milestones. They ate normally, did tummy time well, started pushing themselves up, reaching for things, holding their own bottles, rolling over, and sitting up by themselves all by the time they were 5 months. Kaida was the quicker one, started crawling at 6 months and walking at 9. She wants to be a big girl now with boobs and a purse full of money too! LOL!

But Draikaiden is completely different from both of them. When he came home he was just over 5 pounds and even preemie clothes were too big on him. Some of the Dr.’s and therapists tell me to go by his adjusted age, which means to go from his actual due date. His due date was January 25th. That would make him almost 7 weeks old. Some of the Dr.’s say not to get used to doing that because it’s a bad habit! So according to them, he’s really 5 months old since he was actually born on October 12th.

So, he is 5 months old and not quite 10 pounds. He can hold his head up for several minutes but gets tired very easily. He’s getting better with tummy time, but doesn’t consistently push himself up on his arms. He doesn’t rollover unless he pushes himself up high enough that he basically falls over onto his side. He doesn’t reach for things, and he rarely holds onto something you put in his hand unless it’s a finger, and he does have quite a grip. He is looking around and studying things more and more everyday, and each day we get more and more smiles out of him. He doesn’t cry a lot, unless he is hungry or needs changed (he’s VERY particular about that). He will follow sounds with his head, and completely LOVES his big sister. His face literally lights up when she is there to play with him. He smiles at her the most. He’s noticing when things move further and further away, which I see as a good sign, his ROP must be improving!

He has the cutest phony cry and makes the cutest phony face with it. But also has a very persistent cry, just like Draven did, when he is serious. His personality is really emerging.

Whether or not I’m adjusting his age according to any of the experts, he’s really not falling into either category anyways. At first I was getting upset about it. I was feeling insanely guilty about his early birth being my fault. Then a wise mom told me that is just wasted energy. Things happen for a reason, and I was on bed rest, doing all I could to stop the contractions. He came when he was supposed to and he is perfectly fine. And even though the last 5 months have been extremely difficult, I’ve learned so much from this little guy. He’s made me a stronger person. And I’m going to do everything in my power to make him as strong as he can be as well as his sister and brother.

He’ll do things when he is ready to, and that is perfectly fine with Daddy and I. We’re not going to rush him. If someone would have told DaVinci to hurry up and just get the damn thing done already, the Mona Lisa might not have turned out to be such a masterpiece.

Here are a few more photos from the time he was in the hospital up to now.

Friday, March 11, 2011

What is Priceless to You?

1 completely wasted trip for Draven to see an incompetent, uneducated, cranky, and unhelpful Nurse Practitioner: approximately $120 and mostly covered by insurance.

1 roundtrip to Las Vegas; fuel, food, drinks, and shopping: $380.
Appointments for all three kids to see an amazing Pediatrician who diagnosed the older two with RSV:  approximately $600 and mostly covered by insurance.

1 prescription for Albuterol Sulfate vials for Nebulizer: $284.85 completely covered by insurance.

1 prescription for Pulmicort Nebulizer Medication: $249.24 completely covered by insurance.

2 prescriptions for Singulair for all three kids: $278.34 (out of pocket expense $55.66).

1 prescription for Cefdinir, antibiotic for the older two: $143.54 completely covered by insurance.

1 prescription for Nasonex for the older two: $118.62 (out of pocket expense $21.77).

1 visit to the Dr. for the hubby: approximately $120 mostly covered by insurance.

1 prescription of an antibiotic that did absolutely nothing for him: $21.60 covered by insurance.

1 visit for me to the Dr. where I learned my hubby and I have either bronchitis or walking pneumonia and I have lost 10 pounds (WOOHOO!!): approximately $120 mostly covered by insurance.

2 boxes of Girl Scout Thin Mint Cookies, because I just can't resist this cookie and they make the world a better place!: $8

2 prescriptions for my husband and I, 10 pills for us each of Levaquin, an antibiotic strong enough to slow anthrax after exposure: $371.12 (out of pocket expense $74.22).

1 prescription for both my husband and I of a strong cough syrup, Cheratussin: $4.43 covered by insurance.

1 upcoming roundtrip to Vegas WITH the hubby whether he likes it or not; fuel, food, shopping, lunch with Uncle Derek, and 5 Dr.’s appointments: approximately $500.

1 upcoming visit to the Lung Specialist for the Baby: approximately $250 mostly covered by insurance.

1 upcoming RSV shot for the Baby: $2100 and COMPLETELY covered by insurance.

Having a husband who has an amazing job with amazing insurance and who is willing to take care of his family in THIS way: PRICELESS!!!

Having the abilities to take care of our family and see a Dr. when we need to and get the medications we all need, and being able to prevent the baby from contracting RSV and be hospitalized again: PRICELESS!!!

And thinking of how the Obama administration is planning on changing all of this so that we will no longer have these freedoms, so that all of the people who voted him into office and the people who voted against him, basically ALL the people except those sitting on their high towers in government offices will no longer be able to take care of their families like this, makes me want triple my anxiety medication before I send THEM all the bills I have from Draikaiden’s 3 month stay in the hospital and every visit thereafter and see how they think we should pay for it without insurance! Maybe they’ll be so kind as to pay for it themselves, since I am sure that with 2 or 3 paychecks they can cover the million dollars worth of expenses. No wait, I believe according to his thinking, Draikaiden being born so early, he didn’t deserve the care and treatment he got, so he would have simply ordered the machines to be shut down. Or is that only with the elderly? I’d like to see ALL of Congress and every member of the government participate in this upcoming Health Care Hell they are about to put us through. Then I bet it wouldn’t last long at all.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

A Solution to My Problem

And so I saw the Doctor. Well, technically, she’s a Nurse Practitioner, one of the most comfortable medical personnel I’ve ever spoken with.  I am posting this for all my friends who were interested in knowing what they can do for themselves in this similar situation. You will need to see a Dr., but you can ask them about this method! She asked me all kinds of questions about what’s going on in my head and in my life. She spoke with me for 45 minutes!! I just LOVE her! I hope they never take her away from Tonopah!

She’s a riot. I told her how little the hubby helps, how much he whines that he has to go to work so he doesn’t think he needs to do anything around the house or with the kids, and then I told her what he does at work! She said if she knew how to fix these kinds of things, she’d still be married! ROFL!

I let her know that when he is with the kids nobody is actually being taken care of, including the house, and it pisses me off. He doesn’t listen, he doesn’t respond to me, and when he does his only response is that I am only worrying about the wrong thing, Mom things are things I shouldn’t worry about. I told her how irrational I feel ALL the time, how I can’t control my emotions, I go from happy, to sad, to looking for a murder weapon in a 60 second period. I told her how unresponsive I am to everything, I don’t want to participate in anything, I cry over everything and nothing all the time, and I drive even myself crazy. I gave her some history, let her know about the traumatic birth of the baby. Let her know about past attempts with anti-depressants after having Draven. I could have talked to her all day over drinks easily, she is just awesome! Really!

But anyways, she thought that an anti-depressant would not be good for me. Especially since I tried 2 different ones in the past, and 2 different doses of 1 of those, and none had any effect on me. And it had meaning that when I stopped taking them, I had absolutely no side effects. When my hubby misses one or two, he has insane side effects. And I also told on him! I let her know that he cuts his pills in half, so he isn’t taking his full dose! She was upset and told me what to tell him to get him to take the full dose, and I think it worked! LOL! And trust me, he NEEDS them! It’s either he takes them, or I kill him, Sorry Becky! :)

So, what she suggested is an anxiety pill. Since I have good moments, I mean, I will go almost a whole day feeling great, not getting set off, crying, or feeling down. She said when I feel my emotions getting out of control, I can just take one of these pills and it will calm my emotions and my nerves so that I don’t want to kill my husband (her words exactly). She wants me to try this for a month and see how I like it. When I go back to see her, if I want to change things, there is an anti-depressant that is mostly for women. It increases the endorphins, and two other things in the brain that I can’t remember now that you use up when you are stressed. It’s mostly used for women, and I’m not sure why, but I told her she can prescribe me two bottles of it, and I will change out my husband’s pills with these ones and maybe make HIM a happier being too! Sounds like a plan to me! She agreed.

Unfortunately, after talking with me, she said most of my emotional issues are situational. Since I am still extremely hormonal, and have little support from the male, it’s making me feel worse! And that’s also the other reason she didn’t want to prescribe the anti-depressant. She could medicate me all I want, but the problems will still be there. I told her I’ve asked many times for him to do marriage counseling and he refuses. So she is going to refer me to a counselor for women in Vegas. She said to just do what I can handle for now, and focus on myself and the kids.

So I guess the only thing left to do is tie the male up to railroad tracks and torture him until he agrees to my terms of the perfect marriage. When we go to Vegas next Tuesday, I will have him go into the hardware store and get some rope and stakes.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

I confess…

OK, everyone was right. When I posted the post about closing this blog, everyone who commented about leaving it open for the occasional post was right. I don’t have to be a blog junkie. I don’t have to be a comment whore. I don’t have to be the most popular in the blog world, which is obviously not going to happen. I do enjoy being able to vent when I want to, whether or not anyone actually listens.

And I confess that since I wrote that post a little over a month ago, I have discovered something about myself. I am going through Postpartum Depression. This is the single most horrifying experience I have ever gone through, seriously.

I’ve done a little research on it, and it says it’s set off by something traumatic… ha.

It generally sets in 3-4 months after a birth… ha.

And I have all but one of the symptoms, and that one is that I don’t want to hurt my kids. I do however want to kill my husband every other day. In between I kinda like him, and then I love him. I’m super happy one minute, and then I just start crying hysterically the next, and cry for hours. I get angry, I mean really angry over Nothing. At. All. Things that kinda bother me are blown completely out of proportion in my mind and heart, which adds to my stress. I generally feel like breaking everything breakable in the house, plowing the truck into oncoming traffic, putting every game my husband owns in the oven and turning it on high. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to see anyone. I hide all feelings from my husband for many reasons. I’d rather just hide in my craft room and work on multitudes of paintings. And thankfully the little voice in my head that stops me from actually being a genuinely crazy person hasn’t gone on vacation just yet. So I’m not fit for a straight jacket, and before I am, I am going in to see a Dr., this week as a matter of fact.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

A Few Days of Winter, a Brief Trip to Hell, and More News That Makes My Heart Sink

Beautiful snowy nights. Things I always loved from my childhood. Somehow the entire night is illuminated and you can see the giant flakes coming down in the middle of the night leaving a thick blanket of white on the desolate, dry desert we live in. We wake up the following morning to a gorgeous, bright, white fluffy day. Unfortunately, 4 of the 5 people in this household are sick! So we didn’t get to go sledding on the hill behind our house, didn’t get to make snowmen, and didn’t get to freeze our tushies off!

Kaida was sick first, had been sick for over a week and a half. She started to get a little better. It was just a cough and a runny nose. Now Draven was sick. But he wasn’t getting better, and he suddenly developed a rash that covered his entire body! And had fevers over 103! With his history of pneumonia, I don’t really mess around when he coughs like this! So Todd took him to the clinic here in Tonopah. The nurse practitioner who saw him told my husband that since the boy has been sick for a few days, he’d be fine. The cold would work its way out of his system. And the rash? She said that was something viral and it would just work its way out of his system. Didn’t test him for anything. Didn’t give him anything. Then sent him home. I was pissed, really wish I would have taken him instead of trusting Daddy to do it. But it was done. Our friend who works there tried to talk the practitioner into fitting Todd in, because he was incredibly sick also, and she had 3 cancellations, but she wasn’t interested in helping anyone.

Kaida started coughing again. And that upset me, because she was almost over it. But what really got to me the most was now the baby was coughing. We had an appointment scheduled in Vegas for all three kids’ immunizations with a REAL doctor but it wasn’t for another week. But we had to wait.

Now, I’m not going to go into detail on how this day went. It literally makes me cry when I think of it. It was a horrible day. Me and all three kids in Vegas, all 3 of them sick, I had about 3 hours of sleep plus I was still sick, was up at 2 am getting ready for the drive, getting kids ready. Our first appointment was at 7:50 am…

Well, maybe I need to go into a little more detail, this is an update from the Eye Doctor: Sheer Persistence or Potential Scam? We got to the new eye doctor’s office at 7:30 am (you remember, one of the ones that doesn’t exist in Vegas). We were literally the FIRST patients to arrive. We waited for 2 and a-half-hours, they dilated his eyes, took us to the back to ask Qs and get all the info they needed on him. After 2 and a-half-hours (I REALLY wish I was exaggerating) we finally saw the doctor who came in to tell us that she doesn’t have the instrument needed to look at an ROP patient.

Um… WTF?!?! Are you kidding me???!!!?!

She was mad at her staff, and I reminded her that I made the appointment 3 WEEKS AGO. She said that noone informed her of an ROP patient. Needless to say, she worked it out so that a member of her staff drove across town to get the instrument and bring it back. The baby missed his physical therapy appointment because of our initial wait, but we went to another appointment across town while they got their shit together. We came back, she did the exam, and it turns out that he does indeed have ROP Stage 1. She explained it to me in more detail than the other doctor ever did, and said she’d see him back in 2 weeks. I gave her the card for the other eye Dr., signed a release, and me and the kids hauled ass out of there and down to Henderson where their Pediatrician is.

We waited another 2 and a-half-hours in this waiting room. My poor hungry and thirsty kids. I really didn’t think it was going to take this long or I would have brought in snacks for them. I explain things to the Doc, the first thing he does is test them all for RSV. Kaida and Draven are positive. O.M.G!! Inside, I am freaking out! Outside, I am listening to what he plans to do about it. He gave me the meds to treat them all, breathing treatments, strong antibiotics for the older 2, an awful nasal spray that makes them both cry, and Singulair.

So, no immunizations that day. Kids are exhausted, cranky, hungry, Mommy is something that I cannot even describe! We load up, and get back on the road heading for N. Vegas. It took us an hour in rush hour traffic, so the kids got a nice nap in at least. I pull up at IHOP, where I promised them some pancakes with strawberries and whipped cream. I call my husband to update him, and I lost it. I was just soooo overwhelmed. The day was hell and it wasn’t even over yet!

We ate our yummy pancakes, went over to Walmart where it took over an hour to get the scripts filled, did some grocery shopping, filled up the truck, and began our 3 hour trek back home. Thank goodness for the mp3 player hubby bought me, because without good music to sing along with I’d never be able to stay awake!

And that was it. Two of my babies have RSV, an incredibly dangerous and contagious respiratory infection that is extremely bad for the baby, and the baby has ROP. Other than that, everyone is great! I need to post soon on the progress the baby is making with some photos!


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