Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Morally Wrong at the Airport

So, I thought my first story on here would be an introduction of my little characters. As wonderful as they are, and don’t worry, you’ll hear plenty about them in time, I feel compelled to tell of one of my funniest experiences ever. Now let’s see, it involves my older brother Toby, his best friend Brad, my significant other Todd, and myself, as well as various by-passers and an angry mob at an international airport. This one is a bit long, but the experience was well worth it!

This is our poor, sweet victim, Brad.

Ok, so Toby, Todd, and myself were all living at my father’s house in Jacksonville, FL. Brad was living with his family in Oregon. All four of us were in our very early 20’s at the time. Brad decided to give sunny Florida a try, bought a ticket, and flew out to see us. We had only spoken on the phone a few times before his trip and I had briefly mentioned to him my new boyfriend who I absolutely adored. We never got in depth about Todd, so Brad basically knew only that Todd existed.

Now, on Brad’s night of arrival, the three of us decided to drive Dad’s mini-van out to the Jacksonville International Airport to pick him up. When we were together, there were always laughs, and this night will most definitely go down in history in my book of laughs. It was around 10pm, so the airport was pretty quiet and empty. This was before the whole security overkill period, so we were allowed to walk right over to Brad’s arrival gate and wait for him. On our trek down the long corridor, Toby noticed an abandoned wheel chair. Yes, this spells trouble! He and Todd started playing in it, with it, on it, making complete fools of themselves for the one or two other people in the airport. As we see Brad’s plane nearing the gate, one of us, can’t remember whom, got the idea that Todd should remain in the wheel chair when introduced to Brad. After all, Brad didn’t know Todd from Adam! Why we thought that was funny still baffles me today. And so, as Brad walks out of the gate, we gave him hugs and I casually introduced him to Todd, my boyfriend. Brad’s face went a little pale as he looked down and noticed what Todd was sitting in, but he smiled politely, shook his hand, and we were on our way to baggage claim.

Toby was being the very sweet brother by pushing Todd for me so I could chat with Brad as we walked behind them down the, once empty, but now overfilled corridor. It seems that every flight for that day arrived at the same time! Perfect for the upcoming masquerade!

Brad sort of leaned over to me and whispered, “You didn’t tell me he was in a wheel chair.”

I casually smiled back at him and said something along the lines of, “I didn’t think it mattered.”

Halfway down this enormous and crowded corridor, Toby took off running, got the wheel chair nicely accelerated, then let it go. Todd went sailing off right into a wall!

Toby laughed hysterically, Brad chuckled but tried to politely hide it as he looked at me in shock of what an ass his best friend was being, and I bit my lip to prevent myself from bursting out! I’m supposed to be the sympathetic and loving girlfriend.

Todd just sat there in his chair with a pouting look on his face. Then I said to Toby, “Don’t be mean!”

Still laughing, Toby said he’s sorry and continued pushing the wheelchair towards our destination. We passed out of the long corridor and into a gorgeous lobby where all the other corridors met. This is truly a stunning display of marbled floors with enormous pillars, cozy seating areas, and an open walkway leading us to the elevators and escalators.
Now remember, the airport was now full of people all heading in the same direction, towards the exit. There were a few women walking next to us who kept eyeing Toby, looking like they were ready to beat him down and take care of this poor cripple themselves.

Toby took off running again, let go of the wheelchair, and laughed like a madman as Todd sailed though the crowd. This time he hit nothing, but Toby still laughed as he clumsily ran down the hall to catch up. Brad was biting the inside of his lip now to keep himself from rudely laughing at this person he just met. And Todd just sat there selling it perfectly with a slightly annoyed and pouting look on his face.

Toby grabbed the wheelchair handles, apologized to Todd, and began pushing once again. I have nearly separated myself from the three of them at this point because these women were really ready to pounce on Toby for being such a bully.

Toby started laughing hysterically before committing his next sin. He took off running and rammed Todd directly into one of the enormous pillars. Brad could no longer contain himself as he all but dropped to the floor in hysterics. I have completely severed myself from them at this point because I could see a mob of angry women ready to take my brother’s head off. Toby, still laughing like a madman, ran around in circles near where Todd sat, selling his perfectly sultry expression and crippled appearance.

After a few minutes, Toby calmed down, apologetically went over to Todd, and grabbed the wheel chair handles once again. He pulled Todd back away from the pillar, snickered, then lifted the handles up in the air as high as he possibly could, dumping Todd flat on his face on the marbled floor. Todd, being the excellent crippled-acting team player, fell lifelessly and lay there, helpless and completely un-amused. I am nowhere to be seen at this point because I was laughing hysterically myself and didn’t want Brad or the angry mob to see that I thought this was in any way funny. Todd just lay lifelessly on the floor while these jackasses mocked his inability to get himself up. Brad is nearly rolling on the floor in tears, my brother IS rolling on the floor in tears, and I am hiding on the other side of the lobby (rolling in tears)! Toby got up, went over to help Todd off the floor, and Todd jumped onto his feet and walked away from the crime scene. Brad’s eyes nearly popped out of his head as his jaw dropped to the floor. He just realized he was the victim of one of our family pranks!

Needless to say, Brad never held any hard feelings towards any of us for pulling such a morally wrong prank on him that day. And he was just as into the story as the three of us were as we repeated it to Dad once we got home.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Meeting Me

I am Jes. That's right, just Jes. I have been known by other names: Sis, Sisica, Jessica, Jessie, Babe, Honey, Sunshine, plus a few others I won't list here, but my favorite is just Jes! Life seems to have flown by while creeping past at the same time. I was the first person in my family to have completed high school, and then attend college. I was also the first person in the family to buy a house at age 24 (with my significant other), actually I think that should read ever! I have accomplished quite a lot, traveled a little, met some interesting people, made some great friends, and lost some as well. I found love, I found religion, I found my father. Kept the love, lost religion and my father. I broke my back at 26, my pelvis at 28, and my heart when I said goodbye to my 20s. Through all my interesting and dull life experiences, I must admit my favorite part of life is two tiny voices that call me "Mommy." They are almost 2 and almost 3 and have made me a better person. Although, deep down I am still a bit vulgar and that part of me is hard to tame. But I am me, and very happy to be.


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