Dear Miss Stalker,

I want to thank you for your comforting, stalking efforts. It feels really refreshing to know that I have someone who cares anonymously enough to make insults to my face when I least expect it. I do apologize for changing my settings to prevent any further absurd comments from you, I must admit I will miss them as much as I miss you.

I also wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed reading those ridiculous comments you left under my kids photo on the newspaper website last Christmas. We were so excited to see my monkeys’ photo with Santa in a newspaper and online. The kids are so sweet and I was able to get copies of that paper for everyone!

I have to say though, the image and experience would not have been complete without your obscenely ridiculous remarks while you were pretending to be someone else. You made me irate over the whole thing, broke my husband’s heart, and deeply hurt the person you were impersonating. But I hope it was worth the few moments of game time you had as you mixed up other people’s lives in the name of “friendship.” So, again, thank you for that.

I also really loved your comment about me needing counseling. Thank you soooo much for that. I NEVER in a million years would have considered counseling after going thru 2 years of marital hell. I’m so sorry I deleted it so quickly, I didn’t even save a copy of it, makes me sad. Your words of wisdom are truly priceless to me. I’m glad you think you know so much about my life, especially since we haven’t spoken in how long now? 6 months? 10 months? I really don’t remember. Nor do I care, and clearly neither do you. You just like to assume you know exactly what is going on when you’re absolutely clueless. And maybe you do know some things, I really don’t believe you are alone in this. And that thought really does make me sad.

It must be horribly exhausting for you trying to sound so much like some righteous, perfect person who cares. It’s pretty shameful the only things you have to say aren’t important enough to actually come from YOU. Your silly, petty, incomplete remarks only come from either a pseudonym or a just plain anonymous character. I’m so sad for you. When I have something to say to someone, I’m not ever ashamed of myself, or afraid of the person I wish to tell it to.

I also know when to mind my own business. When something doesn’t actually concern me, I know when to keep my effing mouth shut! You should practice that sometime. It’ll do ya good. And since we are not friends, not even close, now is a good time for you to back off. No part of my life, my husband’s life, or my kids’ life concerns you.

Signed,

Someone who sincerely wants you to disappear.