What I'd Give for One More Minute...

Dear Dad,

Happy Birthday!

You’d really be getting on in your years., but I’m sure where you are there is no age. And no pain either. I know you suffered a lot.

If you were here, we’d be taking you to Olive Garden for your birthday dinner. Great times.

Kaida and Draven see your photos all the time, and your guitar, and they say, “That’s Grandpa!”

I wish they could have met you. I know you’d love them, and they’d adore you and wear you out every chance they got!

We’re having another baby. This one will be the last. You know I’ve always wanted a large family, but my body can’t physically handle going through this again. I guess I should pray for His help more, but I just don’t feel worthy of it.

Michelle is having another baby as well. She’s having a boy, the same time mine is due. Funny huh? It’s almost like we planned it together! Breonna is getting so big! Her and Draven both have your gorgeous blue eyes!

Toby still won’t talk to me. It’s been six years and his stubborn ass is still loaded with pride. He spends more time with the rest of the family now that he is on the rocks with his wife. Maybe someday he’ll grow up.

You left so fast that I never got to tell you how much you were appreciated. I missed out on so much growing up without you there. But you more than made up for it while I was in college. I got to know the real you, instead of the You everyone else told me about. Even though our time together was short, I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.

I miss you so much.

I miss waking up in the middle of the night to your voice singing Marty Robins classics.

I miss the times in your garage with you, Toby, Todd, and Brad, just goofing off with music.

I miss the holiday dinners we’d have, where we’d trick you into eating food you claimed to hate!

I miss playing monopoly at all hours of the night, and having such hysterical laughing fits that no one else in the room could play anymore!

I miss everything about you.

I still cry when I hear your voice, when I look through photos, when I really remember that you’re gone. I don’t know how to be strong. Sometimes I still get angry. I waited so long to have you in my life, and when I finally had you in it you were taken. I still don’t understand.

I do thank God for the time we had together, and for allowing me to really get to know you.

I see you in my dreams often. It makes me feel like you are doing ok, but you’re still here, watching us. The most vivid still is where you reached through the glass window to hold my hand. I can still feel that. I will hold onto that dream forever.

Thank you for everything you did and everything you were. And still are to me.

I don’t know if you celebrate birthdays up there, but know that down here I’m still remembering you on yours.

I hope we see each other again some day. There is a song I play often that reminds me of you. It’s a country song, you would have loved it. It may be meant for a lost love, but it twists my heart every time I hear it and makes me think of you.

“I talk to friends, talk to myself, talk to God, I pray like hell but I still miss you.

I’ve tried sober, I’ve tried drinking, I’ve been strong and I’ve been weak but I still miss you.

I’ve done everything, moved on like I’m supposed to,

I’d give anything for one more minute with you,

I still miss you!”

 I love you Dad! Happy Birthday!

Love, Me