OK, everyone was right. When I posted the post about closing this blog, everyone who commented about leaving it open for the occasional post was right. I don’t have to be a blog junkie. I don’t have to be a comment whore. I don’t have to be the most popular in the blog world, which is obviously not going to happen. I do enjoy being able to vent when I want to, whether or not anyone actually listens.
And I confess that since I wrote that post a little over a month ago, I have discovered something about myself. I am going through Postpartum Depression. This is the single most horrifying experience I have ever gone through, seriously.
I’ve done a little research on it, and it says it’s set off by something traumatic… ha.
It generally sets in 3-4 months after a birth… ha.
And I have all but one of the symptoms, and that one is that I don’t want to hurt my kids. I do however want to kill my husband every other day. In between I kinda like him, and then I love him. I’m super happy one minute, and then I just start crying hysterically the next, and cry for hours. I get angry, I mean really angry over Nothing. At. All. Things that kinda bother me are blown completely out of proportion in my mind and heart, which adds to my stress. I generally feel like breaking everything breakable in the house, plowing the truck into oncoming traffic, putting every game my husband owns in the oven and turning it on high. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to see anyone. I hide all feelings from my husband for many reasons. I’d rather just hide in my craft room and work on multitudes of paintings. And thankfully the little voice in my head that stops me from actually being a genuinely crazy person hasn’t gone on vacation just yet. So I’m not fit for a straight jacket, and before I am, I am going in to see a Dr., this week as a matter of fact.
Keep me posted on what the doctor has to say. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself, those kidlets need you. Hugs, Toqua
ReplyDeleteYou better see a doc girl! I had PPD 3 times(out of 3). You need medication--it does not mean that you are weak. Do you have people that live by you who can come and help. YOU NEED TO PICK UP THE PHONE and ask them!! Also, maybe the doc knows of services (nurses or like "home hospice for new moms") that can send help. Or a church? You need to stay connected to people that you can touch (not just the internet).
ReplyDeleteOn a side note, Dads can get PPD too. Not trying to defend Todd (recent post), but there may be some crazy emotions running through him too.
Write if you like/need.
KristaInMN at gmail dot com
I suffered from that too, and you are absolutely right. It's HORRIBLE!!!! I'm glad you're going in to see the doc because they can help. :)
ReplyDelete