I See Your True Colors Shining Through...

••Warning!! Explicit Content: DO NOT READ if you are sensitive or easily offended!!!!••

So, I was having an argument with my adopted sister. My mom asked if she could come stay with me for a month or so in the summer (this past summer) and I said yes, of course! I loved Lisa and would love having her here! Well, she asked of this about 3 months prior to summer break this year. Lisa was getting all down, talking like she was incredibly depressed on her FB page, so I mentioned to her that she should be happy, she gets to come up here with me this summer! Well, my mom FLIPPED out on me for telling Lisa about the plan. Apparently it was a huge secret that I was unaware of. I mean, why wouldn’t she want Lisa to know? It gives her something to look forward to, an incentive to get her grades up and do her chores (which apparently she does ALL of while my mom sits on her ass and watches TV, and Lisa’s younger sister is just lazy and mom never makes HER do anything cause she’s the baby even though she’s 12, I think).

So the argument started one day when I posted a comment to Lisa’s photo of her with waaaay too much make-up on for a 16-year-old, a tight tank, and a look that only porno stars give in photo shoots. Let me back up, Lisa commented on one of my photos telling me that I looked like SHIT in the photo. I laughed it off, I didn’t care, I liked the photo! So I jokingly commented that she looked like a hooker with all that make-up on and WTH was she trying to do? Well, her very uneducated friend chimes in, in Lisa’s defense, telling me that ‘Lisa iz not a huker, shez a nice pursun’ and what the hell else she said I couldn’t decipher, because she couldn’t spell a single word! Lisa responded too, but I cannot remember her words either. I told them both that they definitely needed to stay in school because I never actually said Lisa WAS a hooker, she just looked it because of all the make-up and suggestive pose. So they both continue to attack me, Lisa telling me how mean I am, and that I’m just a bully going around attacking people all the time. W.T.F?? So, I just dropped it, there is no arguing with teens, they hear no common sense in anything adults say.

Well, around this time I finally got our Easter Photos posted to FB, the awesome ones my dear mother-in-law and father-in-law helped to take, and were part of. My mom nagged me since we brought the baby home in January for photos. So once I finally got them up, I let her know. 2 weeks later I still hadn’t heard her mention the photos, so I asked her if she’d seen them yet. She said she just hadn’t had the time or been able to get on the computer. So I got a little upset. My loser cousin and her job-less hubby, and 2 adopted sisters were on their FB pages every day after school, and my mom seriously couldn’t walk over to the computer to view the images she harassed me about for so long?? Well, whatever. I just let it go.

So, then I posted an image of a painting I’d been working on for my dear friend Jana. Poor Jana had been waiting forever for me to finish! I was pretty proud of the image, and was excited for my mom to see it; sometimes she pretended to care so I told her to go look at it. It was during this week that Lisa and I had the image spat. It was also during this week that mom told me that neither Lisa nor Amber could come up here to visit, even though I had arranged for a ride, and was paying for everything else! I got into it with her telling her that is exactly why she got mad at me for saying anything at all to Lisa about the trip, because she never had ANY intentions of sending her, even though it was HER idea to get Lisa away from a boy, and away from the rest of the kids so she could be around an adult, and learn to start acting like one. Paraphrasing there but that is what my mother said! She’s very quick to tell people that Lisa isn’t very bright and acts like a child, and isn’t going to be ready to be out on her own in 2 years when she turns 18 (her mom did smoke crack while she was pregnant with her, and probably in the room with her while she was a baby). So, I was pissed at my mom, was really looking forward to Lisa spending time with me and the kids for a month in the summer, but whatever, again. My mom is a control freak, and I know she didn’t want Lisa out of her sight, that is the real reason she wasn’t allowed to travel 1000 miles away!

So the next day, and after about a week of it being up, I texted mom and asked if she’d seen the painting yet. Of course she hadn’t! She had sooooo many other things to do that a housewife does when she has a 25 year-old live-in bitchy cook who refuses to get a job, education, OR take care of herself or her own children, and a 16-year-old slave girl who, my mom is proud to say, isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed! So, that was it for me. I was really mad now.

Mom tried to call a couple times; I ignored her. She texted; I ignored. Then she started getting mean, and leaving voice messages saying that I needed to grow the fuck up, and this is ridiculous, all because she wouldn’t let Lisa ride in a car with a perfect stranger (friend of mine who was willing to bring her halfway), and when I get my head out of my ass to give her a call! 

So yeah, I’ll get right on that. I understood her not wanting Lisa to ride with my friend’s husband, but she was seriously just being a bitch about it; insulting my friend’s taste in men because of her first marriage mistake. I even offered to come all the way to Safford to pick her up, and mom STILL said NO. It was just a control thing. She knew she’d lose control of Lisa while she was 1000 miles away. She just wanted to be mean, and not let the girl have any fun, because my mom is soooo miserable, she has to suck the life out of everyone else too. And I know that my mom totally turned it around on me, making me out to be the bad guy by not letting Lisa come up here!

So after maybe a week, Lisa contacts me through FB, this is the convo between Lisa and I all the way up to the day I pissed my mom off by not responding to her, and prior to mom making her and Amber delete me and block me on my personal page.

April 9

Lisa Abshier  hey jess umm i cant wait too go up there with u its goin too be so fun and i hered i get too stay for a month so taxt back oh and by the way wats ur number

Jessica LaRue has mom decided when you get to come yet? my cell number is 928-792-6781. i need to send you a text from my yahoo account though cause it's easier to type from there. but feel free to text me when you want!

April 10

Lisa Abshier i cant text u i have no time on my phone but anyway are u shure im goin up there with u cuzz i dont think monas goin too lrt me

April 12

Jessica LaRue mom said she JUST bought you minutes. if you'd stop wasting minutes on one and two word texts to your friends, you could text me!
and we're still working on the plans on getting you up here. Todd says it's cool with him. So now I just need to work on mom.

April 12

Lisa Abshier k but ya sorry i cant text u but hey i get of school on may/26 so i hope i can go up there cuzz i need too get away from mona shes makin me crazy im like her slave

April 20

Lisa Abshier jess are u still goin too let me go up there i just need to get away take some time away from mona and tristan and every 1 els i just need time too myself pleez do this for me love you

April 21

Jessica LaRue of course Lisa. I want you up here. I haven't changed my mind, has someone made you think I have?

April 21

Lisa Abshier no but mona might not have the gas to drive half way but no i waz just wonderin cuzz we i only have like 3 more weeks of school left

April 28

Lisa Abshier hey jess havent hered from u in a while i cant wait too get up there i need too talk too u bout crap i just want to leave i feel trapped mona doesent let me do anything at all but wateva pleez text back love u sis

April 30

Jessica LaRue i've been busy and in terrible pain. we just got back from Vegas a while ago. I'm exhausted. Sorry, I'm not on Facebook much, I'll check messages more often.

May 3

Lisa Abshier k so when u planning on coming down me and amber are so excited to get to spend some time with u this summer

May 18

Lisa Abshier what do u mean ur not the person i should be mad at why are u bien such a pain i no u have a new baby but come on

May 21

Lisa Abshier why dont u mind ur own buzness and ya i no i spelled it wrong but u need to stop acting like a baby and stop making fun of people u make fun of everybody and ya stop acting like u no everything and leave me alone and mabie u should go back to school and learn sum manners god grow up im goin throw enough stuff right now i dont need more from u so ya if u dident want me up there then just say it okk im done byeeee

May 22

Jessica LaRue Wow, I'm not the one who didn't want you up here. I had it completely worked out to where Mom only had to drive you to Globe. Everything else was taken care of. But i've gotten 4 different excuses now about why you can't come up here. I accused mom of having never planned letting you come up here to begin with, that's why she got mad at me for telling you about it to begin with. And stop being such a bitch to me, I'm not being mean to you, I'm playing around with you. Did I attack you when you told me I looked like shit on one of my photos? I've gone completely out of my way to get you up here this summer and no matter what I do, Mom rejects it. She doesn't want you out of her site, she wants you where she can keep utter control of you. I know you wanted to get away from her, she hates teenagers, she doesn't know the first thing about how to raise them. She doesn't really know how to raise kids at all, and I feel for you girls being stuck with her. But it's out of my power, I tried to get you away for a while, but mom just won't allow it. I even told her I would find you a ride to Globe so there would be zero cost from her end and she still said no. So don't bitch at me about ME not wanting you up here! I did, It's mom who never wanted you to leave Arizona. And don't fucking tell ME to grow up when you're 16-years-old and your biggest problem is that you're lusting after 2 12-year-old boys who just aren't interested in you. I actually have real problems like sick children and a ruptured disk in my neck. I'm tired of hearing that I need to grow up when I'm the only person in the entire fucking family who can actually support myself with a college education! Everyone else is a bunch of leeches and junkies and I get all the shit for being the real grown-up. Everyone down there can go to hell for all I care! And if you want to keep treating me like shit when I try to play around with you, then you can join them! I'm done with games!

So, the above letter, I am assuming, never made it TO Lisa, I believe mom completely intercepted it. She then sends me the following text. Clearly she’s computer illiterate and ignorant to the workings of FB.

May 22, 2011 Text from Mom:

Wow! I just read ur facebook rant. If ur so educated, grown up, busy with sick kids, pathetic neck pain, how do you have time to fight like a child, with a child? And u did it on line! Now the whole world knows ur a 33yr old child! Im so embarrassed for u sis! U must feel really humiliated. Sorry baby, I keep tellin u, u have no common sense. U should always think b4 u type on line! But now since uve made a complete ass out of urself online, mayb that will teach u. Luvs. Ur just jealous cause im a better mother to these guys than I was to u. Practice makes perfects! Kiss the babys!!

Yeah, of course I’ll kiss the babies for your sorry ass. I never responded to her. I broke down into hysterics after that 'jealous' line, and called Becky, who happened to not answer the phone at the time, so I called Tamara, who knows all about mom, so no explanation was needed. She helped me calm down. Then I noticed thru FB, Lisa and Amber had both blocked me. That made me mad, but knew it was mom's doing. Then Todd hops on my computer one day while I had my company FB page open. Lisa is trying to chat with me, but we weren't sure if it WAS Lisa or not, so I told Todd to just block her. Well, the next day I logged in and saw the attempted chat from Lisa, Todd didn't block her! So I went to her page to do it. And guess what I see? From my loser cousin Taylor's account, my mom posted, about FIFTEEN times, the above text, starting it out with "Hey Jess, this is Mom..."

FIFTEEN TIMES she reposted that text on Lisa's Wall!!! So, I'm sorry, but WHO exactly needs to grow up??

Mom sent a few more texts, which I ignored, didn’t even read, then I figured out the phone had a Block Number option. So she was blocked! And my home phone has a block number option too. She tries to call, phone hangs up on her. She tried to call from my loser cousin’s phone, I had Todd block it immediately and they couldn’t get thru to leave nasty messages on my phone about how my husband is holding me prisoner, like she has done before!

So, I’m kind of an emotional wreck for a week, I don’t know why that woman’s paper cuts can burn so badly. After a week, I was great again. Then comes this message in July.

July 9, 2011 Text from Mom:

Trying to pick my balls up, and go on. I realize now that I totally emotionally shut down. Don’t know when I started with “I can’t” but I no that has never been my motto. Ive always been a I can girl. Sorry I let u & my fam down. Im really comin back now. U know the real me sis. Im not bad, just misunderstood. U r ur mothers daughter. Luv u! So proud! Don’t ask me any questions now. Just listen, luv me, I need u. Trust me. I got it this time!

I responded telling her to stay out of my life, I was done with her games, after I found out she tried to kill herself again. Re-blocked her, cause I’m not sure how that message seeped through. Then last week I get this:

October 20, 2011

She sent some message about just in case the world ends on the 21^st like predicted, she wanted me and the kids to know that she loves us. I forget the rest and didn’t save it.

I responded, being nice and letting her know I had uploaded new photos of the kids on my company facebook. She said she didn’t have a computer because AJ broke it. So I told her I was making her a book for Christmas anyways, so she’d get to see them. She didn’t respond.

And then out of the blue, as Linda and I are cooking dinner, I get this message, with my mother’s true colors shining through:

Oct 22, 2011

Im not sure I want ur fuckin “crumbs”. I just though u mite send me some pictures of my grandkids! I don’t want ur fuckin book! I just wanted a few pictures. Apparently that’s to much to fuckin ask for!! Keep ur fucking block! I dont want ur snooty ass in my life. Ur ass can keep ur book. Ill c em sometime. U stay blocked and out of my life, u selfish hateful bitch! Do not text me ever again! Im done with ur loser ass. No wonder todd makes up lovers, ur as cold as ice.

My response:

Go fuck yourself! You are the worst excuse for a mother in the history of parenthood. And no, you will NEVER see my kids!! Go get yourself nice and drunk now, cause I’m assuming you’re out of pills and meth due to your fucking attitude. I don’t want to hear that you love me and the kids because the world might end tmrw, I don’t believe U. You’ve never loved anyone but yourself!

Mom’s #1:

No that’s u u selfish cunt

Mom’s #2

I don’t owe u any explanation. But im drug free, liquor free, meth free. That’s why I can see u for what u r!! A big insecure fuckin loser! U cant even keep ur man interested! He has to hav make believe affairs! Mayb if ud quite whoring around hed quit! But u never could k3p ur fuckin legs closed huh jess? Fuck off!

My response:

You’re not sober, and u never have been a day in your life. And you’ve never seen me. You don’t even know me. You can try to say all the hurtful things a cunt like you can think up, your words don’t phase me. U disowned me and toby in our teens over those SS checks, disowned me again when I told you I was joining the marines,, was pissed off I moved to FL to get to know my real parent, the one you spent our lives telling lies about. Say all you like woman, I blocked you from my life twenty years ago. Your lack of sobriety was so pathetic when I was a child that u didn’t even notice Pitman trying to put his hands down my pants when I was 7, he was just a convenience for u because he had drugs right? And that was all that mattered. You are all that matters to you, but please, keep the insults coming, this will make for an excellent book.

Her Response #1:

I’m sure ull be a

Her Response #2:

Here’s another little fact for u. Ur dad didn’t want u either.

Her Response #3:

Fact Check! I disowned u when u were inside me. U made me feel dirty. Never ever wanted u and nothings changed! Still dont! Block me u chicken shit whore! Block me. I hav my real datghters now, and u cant hold a candle to them. Block me and lose my number! I still dont want u and never will. Ur to scared to block me! Ha ha ha chicken shit. My real daughters got more balls than u. Ha Ha

Her Response #4:

One more thing. U do follow in ur dads footsteps. He was a whore. And uve made him proud!! Atta girl!! U must be so proud!!

My Response:

God it must feel good to be drunk again. Here’s a fact for you, you don’t exist. I’m not blocking you because I’m writing all this down, want to make sure my kids know why both my parents died. And Dad did want me, and loved me, and proved that to me. Your adopted children were only adopted because they came with paychecks. When something benefits YOU, you go out of your way to make it happen. Toby and I barely had what we needed for school but u sure as hell had your full liquor cabinet, bag of pot, and crystal meth. Even your dogs were taken better care of than us! Then u had to sink lower than scum and get him hooked on meth. Mother of the fucking year! It’s so sad that you are so unhappy you have to drag everyone else down. I feel so sorry for Shawn, he deserved a much better life than you. You’re the reason he’s so broken. But you just gotta keep going don’t you? Blow your fucking brains out already.

Her Response:

I to am savin these. Right back at u, Blow ur fucking brains out. Oh thats rite, u dont have any. Do ur husband and kids a favor and die b4 u fuck them up more! Try to do 1 unselfish thing in ur life! Die! U were never supposed to b born! Have a nice day whore! Im done talkin to a dead woman!

My Response:

Omg, do you even hear yourself? Every time you don’t get what you want, this is exactly what you do, go to great lengths to say the most ridiculous shit that makes NO sense and holds zero truth just to try to hurt people and make them mad. Look up the definition for ‘whore’ you idiot! You have to actually be having sex with multiple people AND collect money for services rendered. I can count all the men I’ve had sex with on my hands, but I bet you can’t even count the guys you fucked with an abacus!! Oh, sorry, that’s probably a big word for you. Dropping out in 6^th grade and all. Your insults are fucking hilarious, keep em coming, I needed the laughter tonight. Make sure you’re drinking with a straw, you’ll get drunker faster. If you didn’t want me so badly, why did you go to such great lengths to keep me from Dad, who actually tried to get us several times?

Her Response #1:

I just gave u ur greated wish. U r welcome. Now u can be happy!! Wait for it, ur gonna luv it I promise!!

(not a freaking clue what she was talking about here)

Her response #2:

News flash ur dad had 5 kids he never wanted u til u were grown up. Cheap prick didn’t pay any child support for any. He only wanted u when u were grown up. But its ur fantasy, run with it. God u r fuckin stupid!! Grow up. Fuck off and eat shit. He really didn’t like u, u were a worthless girl. He didn’t want any kids u stupid bitch. U r so dumb. Wow. All that college and ur dtmber than a box of rocks. He hated u

Her response #3:

U hau me confused with peggy. I went to high school u dumb ass. U have no gdea ur talkin about as usual. Ur facts r so very very wrong. Again. Toby has the brain again. U dont no anything at all about me, u never did and u never will.

My response:

Nope, I’m not confused, I know who you are, and I know who peggy is. You are both selfish cunts so fucking miserable with your own choices in life that u do whatever is possible to drag everyone around u down. You two spent the 1^st 18 years of my life playing me against the other, always trying to show me how horrible the other truly was. And I know shit about you, I know you flip the fuck out like this when you’re having withdrawals, or detoxing. I know you make shawn buy you whatever pills he can find instead of actually taking care of the girls. I know you sit around feeling sorry for yourself about how horrible peggy treated u instead of improving your life in any way. And I know you’re pissed off at the world right now because u are literally stone cold sober. No matter how many times you say it, I’m not dumb, or stupid, or a whore. I have a life, an education, a career, a company, a great marriage, and 3 beautiful kids who I love and take care of with every ounce of my being. You can’t understand that though, because you are so selfish. And putting Dad down, this man you’ve ‘loved’ and will always ‘love’ isn’t making you more powerful or anything. But I get it, you’re pissed off because you’re detoxing. Well guess what, it’s not my fault! It’s your fault you’re a junkie, it’s your fault both the girls are humiliated by you, and it’s your fault you let the whole family walk all over you. I’ve been out of your life since you gave up on me and toby when I was 12 and sent us to live with peggy. SHE fucking raised me, u get no credit for that. U dragged us around letting us watch as Don beat the fuck out of you time and time again. We’d of been better off in foster care! Keep telling me to grow up, I’m sure that makes YOU feel more like an adult. But I grew up long before you!

My mother is clueless. She has spent her life in a bottle, hooked on a pipe, with pills in her blood, and her mind in a daze. She has no idea how to take care of herself, or anyone else except her animals. She shafts everyone; and she’s great with the manipulation games, just like her mother. I’ve hated my mother since the first time I remember seeing her drunk and attacking my blind grandmother, or beating the hell out of one of her younger sisters, or completely destroying my aunt’s entire house on a drunken rampage. She used to make me sit with her, while she got intoxicated; I was the bartender, knowing how to mix many drinks by the age of 8. I was made to sit and listen to her piss and moan about what a horrible life she had growing up, how horrible my grandmother treated her, how many times she took a beating for her siblings. She couldn’t do anything with her life because of all this? 

I feel no pity for her, no remorse for any of the things I said to her, and absolutely no guilt for keeping my children away from her and the rest of that part of the family. I shed a few tears this evening, crushed that a mother could say such things to her only daughter. Then I realized, she can only hurt me when I let her. So I stopped letting her, and continued reading her ridiculous texts only so I could write them down, and always be reminded of WHY I chose this path; the one that leads me away from her and that life and into a better life without the malevolence, abuse, drugs, and violence.

I am stronger than her. I am smarter than her. I am better than her. And she will not torment me any longer.