Afraid for Draven!

Sick babies have GOT to be the worst for parents! At not quite 2 years old, they cannot really tell you exactly what the problem is. So you have to play the guessing game with them trying to read the symptoms and figure out the best solution.
Well, guessing didn’t last long for me. Both my babies were showing signs of Swine flu, so I rushed them both to the ER in Safford where I was staying with my family. I could just imagine all those children they claim were being taken by that illness and it scared the hell out of me!
They were not tested, but were given the remedy and we were sent on our way. A little peace of mind for Mommy… until my youngest, Draven, wouldn’t stop throwing up his medicine.
That’s bad!
It’s not going to do any good if he can’t get it into his system!! So back to the ER we went, in search of a new solution. The second ER doctor mentioned chest X-rays and an IV, but sent us home with a nausea solution instead. This was great… almost. Draven was no longer throwing up his Swine flu meds BUT he still wasn’t getting it in his system because he refused to take it! And now it seemed that something new was developing. He became listless and lethargic, and completely unresponsive. He wouldn’t eat or drink anything. One night went by and he lost all his color and his fever spiked to 104 degrees. That was enough to send everyone in the house into panic mode; so back to the ER we went, on our third visit for the week!
This time chest X-rays were ordered and lo and behold, Pneumonia was found!
Oh My God!
My heart sank. Especially when the doctor emphasized the size of it, then took me down to see the X-ray myself. My poor baby! I just wanted to break down and cry. But he needed mommy. The doctor immediately determined this illness was better left to the care of the Tuscon Medical Center (TMC) Pediatrics team and started the steps to getting him there.

He was dehydrated and needed an IV but several failed attempts at an IV in the ER left him a little tainted for anyone else dressed in scrubs! After 2 techs, they finally got the IV in his hand and he was not happy about it at all.
Family and friends were calling like crazy, wanting to know what was up with our little man! My aunt Trish and cousin Brandie were right there with whatever I needed. A wonderful Jeremy spent the 10 grueling hours in the hospital ER with Draven and I. It was a long day, but a necessary wait in order to get a bed at TMC.
The chopper arrived and took us both on an interesting and shaky nighttime flight to Tuscon. Draven was very fussy and unable to just fall asleep. He was irritated by his IV and actually managed to pull it out in the chopper. And wow can those little veins bleed!
Finally, we made it to TMC, and the doctors don’t waste anytime there. They were checking him out within minutes of us being there. Tests were ordered, as well as another IV.
Oh No!
No more IVs please!!!
Draven didn’t like being held down and poked. I knew this was going to be a problem and Mommy was already scared. SEVEN freakin’ nurses and 21 pokes later, Draven had an IV in his arm!!! Yes, those numbers are correct! Mommy wanted to cry every time he was poked in both his hands, arms, and even feet. I tried to tell him it was ok, but I knew better. I’ve been poked with needles before! My poor baby! As dehydrated and hungry as he was, and exhausted, he was so strong still and put up quite a fight for every one of the nurses! And boy does my boy have some lungs!

A very worried Daddy flew in the next morning to face the recovery trek with his son. I am very glad he was there, and Draven was ecstatic to see Daddy! Draven is quite a trouper and I am happy to learn how resilient they are at such a young age. We were threatened with surgery, but the CT scan showed the fluid outside his right lung wasn’t as bad as initially thought.
So all we could do now was wait and watch his fever and make sure it was taken care of right away when it started to spike. He was given antibiotics and breathing treatments every few hours. He started to eat, and was drinking little bits at a time. Slowly his color returned.

Mommy and Daddy started feeling better and could relax a little, well as little as can be expected in a small, crowded pediatrics room recliner/fold-out bed.
He was going to make it through this!
After 5 days he was discharged. What a relief! We were so happy to be taking him home. So incredibly happy that he was well enough to be going home! We cannot thank that staff enough for taking such great care of our son! There were so many nurses, respiratory specialists, doctors, and other specialty techs just doing their amazing jobs. Everyone was just fantastic! Some of them even got Draven to laugh and play.
It was an experience that I won’t soon be forgetting. I wasn’t familiar with pneumonia in babies. I was scared to death, as was Daddy. I was expecting the very worst! Draven is out of the woods now. He still has pneumonia but as long as we keep a great eye on him, his trek to recovery will be smooth from here on out. He is laughing, running, playing, and fighting with his big sister. And it’s awesome to see all of that! I love that boy!

Meeting My Monkeys

I have 2 AMAZING little monkeys! They are monkeys because since they have been able to move they have been climbing up and onto everything they possibly can! They are the lights that guide me through life, my shining stars so to speak. Let me introduce you to my babies!

Kaida.



It means “little dragon” in Japanese. I wanted my kids to have their own, original names, ones that weren’t very common. And she is a little dragon! Fire-breathing and all!
I dreamt of this girl since I was 15! Sounds crazy, huh? So many ways of her coming into the world, holding her, loving her. But no dream could have prepared me for the reality that was my Kaida. She was a whopping 10 pounds 13 ounces and split mommy’s pelvis. Ouch! My wonderful doctor didn’t waste any time though. After 4 hours of simple labor, 4 hours of hard labor, and several various failed attempts, he took her via emergency c-section.
I remember being tied down to the surgery table, numb from the ribs down and completely incapable of moving when I heard her first and only cry. An amazing RN cleaned her, brought her over to me, let me take a long look, then rushed her out to the maternity ward where Daddy took over watch while they took her vitals and fed her. THIS was the point where he’d be forever wrapped around her fingers! LOL!
Now, her and Daddy will start playing, Daddy pinches at her nose and tells her he has her nose, and then walks away. Kaida starts crying hysterically, “That’s MY NOSE!” and chases after him to retrieve it. She also growls frequently, and runs up to Daddy, strikes her ninja pose and yells, “HIYYAAAAA!”
She is almost three now and is quite bossy. She tells me, “Mommy, I want cookie, NNOWWWW!!!!” as she growls at me, grabbing my finger, and forcefully yanking me towards the kitchen. But she is also one of the sweetest things I know. A perfect stranger comes to the door and she greets them, EVERY one of them, with a hug! And will not let ANYONE leave without a hug or kiss! In fact, she will stand there at the door and cry if she didn’t get a hug! She loves her brother, the other monkey! She loves showing him everything she isn’t supposed to be doing. She gets mad at Mommy for disciplining her little brother, apparently, SHE is the only one allowed to smack him! When I pop him on the hand and tell him to get out of stuff she yells and me and says, “Mommy, be nice!”
That’s my girl!

Draven.



I got his name from my favorite movie, The Crow, the one with Brandon Lee.
He came along barely a year after Kaida. I hadn’t quite had time to heal… yes I know the saying, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way!” Thankfully I didn’t gain as much with him, and he was much smaller than she, only 8 pounds 1 ounce. He was a planned c-section. 40 weeks is still a long time it seems! I really hated being pregnant! I was so miserable. The only enjoyable part was feeling them moving. That was pretty awesome.
Draven is my little light. He has my Dad’s eyes, which is truly amazing! He tests me constantly. He is addicted to electronics and DVD cases, you know, all the things a one-year-old shouldn’t touch! When he is doing something he knows he shouldn’t, I will give him a glare and point my finger at him, so he will give me the same glare and point his finger right back at me! And that just makes me laugh! So I have to quickly leave the room before I burst out laughing and ruin my seriousness, which almost always fails! He loves being mean to other kids. He has the most persistent cry I have ever heard from a baby with some amazingly powerful lungs. He is a very happy boy, until sister takes everything away from him, which she can be counted on to do frequently! He is a hugger also, loves to give everyone loves! He is already learning great manipulation skills, and has both his Grandmas fooled. But Grandmas are there to do the spoiling. Mommy sees through his little games, but he’s so flipping cute it’s hard to resist!
He is too smart for his own good, just like his sister! They are both too friendly for their own good, too! They are both learning sign language at an amazing rate! Draven loves books, Kaida loves taking them away from him. Draven loves music, Kaida loves to sing and dance. They make one great team!


I never thought I’d ever have kids. I never really imagined myself a Mommy. But it truly is my favorite job. Their tiny hands, their tiny toes, and their voices of sugar and honey make Mommy melt. I can just sit and watch them be themselves for hours. They are my perfect little monkeys!

2 Months Shy of Eternity

I saw him.
I saw him before I met him. And I believe in my heart that I loved him before I met him. I believe that I knew he was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with before I even knew his name or heard him speak.
And then I learned his name and heard him speak. And he looked at me, and he saw me, and my heart was forever pierced, forever scarred with his love. He apparently felt the same.
Things moved very fast. We kissed, we loved, we came together, we made promises, we moved in together. Things got rough, things got easy. We met each other’s families and friends. We made a life together, just the two of us.
But no one tells you just how much life gets in the way of actually living. I had school and work, he had work, and there seemed to be no time for “us” in the middle. I was distracted, then he was distracted, and we seemed to lose touch of each other. I made the mistake of putting my studies in front of him. He made the mistake of putting something else in front of me. Painfully, we drifted apart. Good-bye seemed to be the best choice, but it wasn’t the right answer. We found our hearts, still incredibly in love with each other. We came out of that mess stronger than before, more in love than before. He really was and is a great man, and I’ll never say otherwise!
Things were great again. But life is frustrating. Relationships are frustrating. I’m not sure really if it’s me, if it’s him, or if it’s the combination of us, but this cycle returned again. This time good-bye approached once again, and then passed us by like before. We loved each other. There was never any doubt about that. But did we really know how to love each other. Could we really keep this up forever?
After the second near-good-bye experience and six years together, we got married. He and I really went through a lot together. He was there for so many things for me. The stress of school, losing my dad, the car wreck that broke my back, difficulties with family, and so many other things. He really was my best friend, in times when I had no other friends! I clung to him. And I’d like to believe he did the same to me.
He got a better job offer and we moved. After 8 years together we finally had our first child, then our second. Naively, I thought things would get better. I thought he would just wake up and be full of life because of them. But the exact opposite happened.
He slips… further… and further into his abyss. He wants us… well I’m not sure he does. He loves us, there’s no question to that. And I know he misses us.
I stood in front of our friends and family, and promised the preacher and God that I would love this man for time and all eternity. Well… eternity came 2 months shy of 11 years. My apologies God.
Leaving him was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I had to do it. And I am sorry to say that I did it without a single… tear… falling. Happiness is key in this short of a life. He was no longer happy with me, I could feel that. He wasn’t happy being the family man that I always wanted when I dreamt of having kids. And I wasn’t happy pretending to be happy. I will love that man forever, but I know now in my heart, he isn’t the one I am supposed to spend my forever with.

Morally Wrong at the Airport

So, I thought my first story on here would be an introduction of my little characters. As wonderful as they are, and don’t worry, you’ll hear plenty about them in time, I feel compelled to tell of one of my funniest experiences ever. Now let’s see, it involves my older brother Toby, his best friend Brad, my significant other Todd, and myself, as well as various by-passers and an angry mob at an international airport. This one is a bit long, but the experience was well worth it!

This is our poor, sweet victim, Brad.

Ok, so Toby, Todd, and myself were all living at my father’s house in Jacksonville, FL. Brad was living with his family in Oregon. All four of us were in our very early 20’s at the time. Brad decided to give sunny Florida a try, bought a ticket, and flew out to see us. We had only spoken on the phone a few times before his trip and I had briefly mentioned to him my new boyfriend who I absolutely adored. We never got in depth about Todd, so Brad basically knew only that Todd existed.

Now, on Brad’s night of arrival, the three of us decided to drive Dad’s mini-van out to the Jacksonville International Airport to pick him up. When we were together, there were always laughs, and this night will most definitely go down in history in my book of laughs. It was around 10pm, so the airport was pretty quiet and empty. This was before the whole security overkill period, so we were allowed to walk right over to Brad’s arrival gate and wait for him. On our trek down the long corridor, Toby noticed an abandoned wheel chair. Yes, this spells trouble! He and Todd started playing in it, with it, on it, making complete fools of themselves for the one or two other people in the airport. As we see Brad’s plane nearing the gate, one of us, can’t remember whom, got the idea that Todd should remain in the wheel chair when introduced to Brad. After all, Brad didn’t know Todd from Adam! Why we thought that was funny still baffles me today. And so, as Brad walks out of the gate, we gave him hugs and I casually introduced him to Todd, my boyfriend. Brad’s face went a little pale as he looked down and noticed what Todd was sitting in, but he smiled politely, shook his hand, and we were on our way to baggage claim.

Toby was being the very sweet brother by pushing Todd for me so I could chat with Brad as we walked behind them down the, once empty, but now overfilled corridor. It seems that every flight for that day arrived at the same time! Perfect for the upcoming masquerade!

Brad sort of leaned over to me and whispered, “You didn’t tell me he was in a wheel chair.”

I casually smiled back at him and said something along the lines of, “I didn’t think it mattered.”

Halfway down this enormous and crowded corridor, Toby took off running, got the wheel chair nicely accelerated, then let it go. Todd went sailing off right into a wall!

Toby laughed hysterically, Brad chuckled but tried to politely hide it as he looked at me in shock of what an ass his best friend was being, and I bit my lip to prevent myself from bursting out! I’m supposed to be the sympathetic and loving girlfriend.

Todd just sat there in his chair with a pouting look on his face. Then I said to Toby, “Don’t be mean!”

Still laughing, Toby said he’s sorry and continued pushing the wheelchair towards our destination. We passed out of the long corridor and into a gorgeous lobby where all the other corridors met. This is truly a stunning display of marbled floors with enormous pillars, cozy seating areas, and an open walkway leading us to the elevators and escalators.
Now remember, the airport was now full of people all heading in the same direction, towards the exit. There were a few women walking next to us who kept eyeing Toby, looking like they were ready to beat him down and take care of this poor cripple themselves.

Toby took off running again, let go of the wheelchair, and laughed like a madman as Todd sailed though the crowd. This time he hit nothing, but Toby still laughed as he clumsily ran down the hall to catch up. Brad was biting the inside of his lip now to keep himself from rudely laughing at this person he just met. And Todd just sat there selling it perfectly with a slightly annoyed and pouting look on his face.

Toby grabbed the wheelchair handles, apologized to Todd, and began pushing once again. I have nearly separated myself from the three of them at this point because these women were really ready to pounce on Toby for being such a bully.

Toby started laughing hysterically before committing his next sin. He took off running and rammed Todd directly into one of the enormous pillars. Brad could no longer contain himself as he all but dropped to the floor in hysterics. I have completely severed myself from them at this point because I could see a mob of angry women ready to take my brother’s head off. Toby, still laughing like a madman, ran around in circles near where Todd sat, selling his perfectly sultry expression and crippled appearance.

After a few minutes, Toby calmed down, apologetically went over to Todd, and grabbed the wheel chair handles once again. He pulled Todd back away from the pillar, snickered, then lifted the handles up in the air as high as he possibly could, dumping Todd flat on his face on the marbled floor. Todd, being the excellent crippled-acting team player, fell lifelessly and lay there, helpless and completely un-amused. I am nowhere to be seen at this point because I was laughing hysterically myself and didn’t want Brad or the angry mob to see that I thought this was in any way funny. Todd just lay lifelessly on the floor while these jackasses mocked his inability to get himself up. Brad is nearly rolling on the floor in tears, my brother IS rolling on the floor in tears, and I am hiding on the other side of the lobby (rolling in tears)! Toby got up, went over to help Todd off the floor, and Todd jumped onto his feet and walked away from the crime scene. Brad’s eyes nearly popped out of his head as his jaw dropped to the floor. He just realized he was the victim of one of our family pranks!

Needless to say, Brad never held any hard feelings towards any of us for pulling such a morally wrong prank on him that day. And he was just as into the story as the three of us were as we repeated it to Dad once we got home.

Meeting Me

I am Jes. That's right, just Jes. I have been known by other names: Sis, Sisica, Jessica, Jessie, Babe, Honey, Sunshine, plus a few others I won't list here, but my favorite is just Jes! Life seems to have flown by while creeping past at the same time. I was the first person in my family to have completed high school, and then attend college. I was also the first person in the family to buy a house at age 24 (with my significant other), actually I think that should read ever! I have accomplished quite a lot, traveled a little, met some interesting people, made some great friends, and lost some as well. I found love, I found religion, I found my father. Kept the love, lost religion and my father. I broke my back at 26, my pelvis at 28, and my heart when I said goodbye to my 20s. Through all my interesting and dull life experiences, I must admit my favorite part of life is two tiny voices that call me "Mommy." They are almost 2 and almost 3 and have made me a better person. Although, deep down I am still a bit vulgar and that part of me is hard to tame. But I am me, and very happy to be.