Wednesday, October 13, 2010

15 weeks TOO SOON!!!

So many thoughts. Good ones. Bad ones. Ones I’d like to just erase the moment they enter my mind.
So many words spinning through my head.
So lost.
I feel so helpless.
But so incredibly hopeful.

My due date was January 25, 2011. 3 weeks ago I started having preterm contractions. 2 days ago I woke up with contractions 3 minutes apart. I called my dear mother-in-law to make sure she could drive 4 hours to take care of my monkeys. Called hubby to let him know he needed to get home, or to the hospital.  Then I called Tamara who hung up on me and ran from the restaurant, where she was eating breakfast, to my house. She patiently and expediently directed me to the truck, her hubby arrived to watch the monkeys till grandparents arrived, and we were off.

Off to the Tonopah hospital.

A place that doesn’t really have the best options for major issues such as preterm labor. I was blessed with an amazing staff though. Wonderful, wonderful people. The doc checked my cervix to find the amniotic sac was bulging through, and determined it was far too late to stop this labor. My heart sank. We were 3 hours away from Vegas, away from major hospitals who can successfully deal with such an emergency. Every worst thought you can think of went through my head. Thoughts you probably can’t even fathom were in my head. I did not want to deliver my son THERE!!

The doctor was amazing though. He called the Sunrise Perinatal Staff in Vegas for some expert advice. He listened strictly to what the specialist said. They decided to fly a crew from the Sunrise Children’s Hospital to Tonopah to be as prepared as possible for this 15-week premature child. Almost 2 hours pass and the crew finally arrives. They start my contractions up again, I start to push. But it just didn’t feel right. Not to me. Not to the doctor. He checked my cervix again, I hadn’t dilated any further than 3 cm, exactly where I was when I first arrived. He called the expert and was strongly encouraged to stop my contractions again and put me on the plane with the Perinatal team.

I didn’t hesitate. I looked at my wonderful friend who stood next to me the entire time, calling everyone I could think to tell, calming me, not letting me freak out, not letting me talk to anyone who was going to make me cry (which was everyone), not letting me panic and cause worse contractions or complications, and her eyes said it was a good choice. I looked at my husband who had the same look in his eyes. He understood I didn’t want to stay. Even though it meant I flew to Vegas alone, with only medical staff.

Comfortably, safely, and now more calm than I’d felt in a while, I was in a room at Sunrise Hospital surrounded by a busy staff checking me in and making preparations. The doctors came in to consult with me the best options. They did an ultrasound and discovered he was breech, so natural labor wasn’t the most ideal option. Thankfully! I was afraid of that option because my dear friend lost her son that way. He was just too young to go through such trauma. So I asked if they would absolutely do a c-section. They said of course, but it depends on how quickly everything goes, if it does indeed spin out of control. They also wanted to keep me on magnesium for at least 48 hours to allow the baby to get the full effect of the steroids I’d been given earlier in the morning.

Unfortunately, my little man couldn’t wait 2 more days. At 3am the following morning, the amniotic sac broke. There was NO stopping his entrance into the world now.

Around 10 am they were preparing me for surgery.

At 10:52 our little man made his big entrance. DraikAiden Blaine LaRue. 1 pound 10 ounces. 13 and a quarter inches long. Tough guy!

I heard 2 tiny cries.

He was taken out of the room and rushed to the NICU. The anesthesiologist gave me a post-operation pain killing injection, and I was out of for the next hour. My darling hubby was there with our son, taking amazing photos, watching the staff work their magic.

12 hours later I finally got to see my little guy. 

He’s so precious.

And so small.

It is difficult for mommy not to notice all the wires and tubes flowing all around him, through his skin, through his mouth. He has a machine breathing for him. He’s so tiny. So frail. We can’t even touch him. His eyes aren’t even opened yet. His hearing is at a minimal. He is inside an incubator. I can’t hug him. I can’t kiss him. I can’t hold his little hand. All I can do is stand there and stare through glass at my fragile, defenseless boy hooked up to so many things, fighting for his little life.

I try to be strong. He needs me to be. But seeing THIS breaks me.

My husband is amazing at times like these. He’s so patient with my tears and emotions. He’s so understanding. I know this hurts him too though.

But I am hopeful. He is in the best care he could possibly be in. This is a great hospital. Another friend of mine had her daughter prematurely here. She’s now going on 7. He is in good hands. And I am hopeful in a few weeks we’ll be able to touch him, and in January we will be taking him home where his sister and brother will shower him with hugs and kisses, and then teach him all their bad habits!

I’m praying for this. More than I have ever prayed for anything in my life.


  1. Oh Jess. You know I love you and my little Poppie. Im thinking of you 2 everyday all day. I'll try and get there soon. Remember to take deep breaths and take it one day at a time.

  2. Oh Jessica! He's sooooo soooo beautiful! I just want to give you a great big hug! I will continue to pray for you and for your teeny little man!

    You keep your strength, and keep your faith! He is a MIRACLE. Period! Before you can blink it will be January!

  3. I will be praying for your entire family Jessica. What an adorable little guy! Sending lots of hugs!

  4. Jessica, as I said before miracles do happen and I believe in them. Praying for you and your miracle. Keep strong and be his voice and pray for your care workers as well. Keep strong and know we have your back as well Pray hard pray fast and pray long. Prayers from this end too and around the world. He is loved and there is a reason none of us understand why but a reason that things happen so thankful for the doctors you have. Praying Christy

  5. Jessica, I do not know you, but I know what you and your husband are going through and I just wanted to offer hope and support.
    Last year my son was born 15 weeks premature, weighing 1lb 10oz and 14 inches long. He just turned 1 year old a few weeks ago and he is now a 21lb monster. He spent a total of 10 weeks in the NICU and was in the care of the best people in the world, NICU nurses.
    Elliott's eyes opened after 5 days, so hopefully soon you will be able to stare lovingly into your sons eyes.
    I am sure you have heard the word 'roller coaster' mentioned by the NICU staff already, and they are correct. Your emotions will be up and down, as will your sons progress from day to day.
    Enjoy holding him soon, create relationships with your nurses (it was always nice entering the NICU to see his (and our) favorite nurses looking after him).
    One of the best chats we had with a nurse gave me a whole new viewpoint on having a micro preemie.
    You get to spend an extra 3 months with your child, albeit in a NICU unit, that most parents do not have. They can be very scary at times, but you have 3 months of very precious time giving him kangaroo care and watching milestones many do not get to see.
    Take lots of pictures, his size will astound you now and soon become 'the norm' for you. Now when I look back and see just how small our son really was, it brings tears every time.

    Just always remember, there isn't a better place for him in the world to be right now.

    Thinking of you and your family


    (If you would like to see pictures/video of our son from being a 25 week, 26 ounce baby just let me know)

  6. What a cutie pie he is. I know it's hard for you but the power of prayer will get you and your little guy through. Holding you close in my heart and praying for that day in January when Draik comes home with you. ((HUGS))

  7. I am the mother of 27 week twins who were born 13 months ago and are doing well. It can happen and kids can live healthy lives; dont give up hope.

    If you ever need to talk, I'm here. :)

  8. He's beautiful! And he looks fantastic! I had an 8week early son! Not nearly like yours but the heart feels it! I am sending all my prayers and loving thoughts your way!

  9. He is beautiful! I am positive all of your hopes and dreams for your little boy will come true. XXOO

  10. What a sweet, tiny blessing from God. I know he is so small but given the number of friends I have had who have had babies born at similar gestational ages I do have to say he is quite robust looking! I would have expected him to be much smaller...I do believe you have a little fighter on your hands!

    Prayers for you and your entire family!

  11. Some other lovely bloggy mommies sent me here. I am thinking of you and your family! All the positive vibes I have sent you your little tough guy.

  12. Jessica & Todd,

    CONGRATULATIONS!! What a precious bundle of joy!

    Dyllan has another cousin to play with soon. I think it is wonderful the support you are receiving here, in the comments I have already read.

    I was lead to your blog via Stephanie, she and I are friends on FB. I am really glad that I clicked to read your blog!

    I can only imagine what you're going through. I was very lucky with my two kids, and my two grandsons, they have all been full term babies.

    I will add you and Draik to our prayers. I have faith all will be good.

    Many hugs and blessings,

  13. What a precious little bean. Prayers to him and his family!!

  14. best of luck to you and your family. The baby looks like he is in very good care.

  15. Absolutely praying with every breath! NICU care has come such a long way and he looks SO strong!

  16. Oh Jessica!! He is so tiny and so very precious and beautiful! He looks strong. Hang in there and keep us posted :) Get rest for yourself so you can be strong for him :)

  17. Oh heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Hang in there!

  18. hugs and tiny but so precious!

  19. Jess,
    I had some time and am looking through your blog. This prose is beautiful. I trust you will add it to your baby's journal. Thank you for accepting me as a facebook friend.I am honored to be praying for Draikaiden and your family.

  20. Oh my goodness! So tiny. I am glad things all turned out. How much does he weigh now?

  21. Ok so I am a little late in posting this! Wow I guess I was a little busy...and never saw it! Amazing photo....and now he's home!

    Love ya...Mom



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