There is a constant threat, a thunderstorm of tears lingers at the back of my throat.
My eyes: dry and yet burning from the sting of overuse.
My mind: completely and irreparably shut down.
I swore when I came into this, it would be forever. He was my forever. Now? He is a memory, a ghost in my mind. I pass by him, he reaches out to me, I look at him, and manage to look right through him.
I don’t see him at all. And I don’t feel him.
My world revolved around him at one point, but I can’t remember why. I can’t remember what the past felt like. I can’t remember what this love felt like. Wasn’t it great? Isn’t that why I’ve stayed so long? I don’t remember.
I’m so far gone; far beyond the point of no return.
How did I get here? Took a few wrong turns, fell down the stairs, and into the snake pit. I think I see some light, but it looks like a long, hard road out of here.
Where am I going? I hope someone knows.
My heart hurts, aches, bleeds, and breaks, and yet is dulled and incredibly numb. How can that be?
I’m cold. I’m distant. I’m so far lost. Lost to him. Lost to me. Lost to anyone who may have understood.